Federal Liberal Party backbencher Cory Bernardi this summer released a painful book of tripe. The Conservative Revolution describes abortion as “an abhorrent form of birth control”, and describes as “pro-death” campaigns for women’s rights.
He believes being raised by a single mother causes criminality. In 2012 Bernardi opined that granting same sex marriage rights would lead to bestiality and end with recognised human-animal unions. “I think that these things are the next step”, he stated in the senate.
Bernardi is not just a fringe nut job. He was the lead senate candidate in South Australia, and previously parliamentary secretary to Tony Abbott. He is the sort of scum that the Liberal Party offers a home and promotes as respectable.
Nevertheless, the reaction to his book has been overwhelming. Amazon was inundated with negative reviews – most of which surely make better reading than the book itself. We have collected an assortment of the best of them below:
“Why does God only speak to idiots?” – M. Cowley
“After catching me reading this, my dog divorced me.” – Sandra M
“To all those trees who sacrificed your life for this book, I apologise on behalf of the human race.” – Jacqueline
“[Bernardi] has squibbed the biggest question of all: the Greens’ secret plan to flood Australia with refugee whales ... Wake up Australia, do you want your grandkids to be half-whale?” – Jo
“If only his mother had had an abortion ...” – Rina Ferris
“This book is actually what happens when you let a monkey near a keyboard.” – Kt. Spring
“This book taught me a lot, a lot about how to be the most mean spirited person I could possibly be if I wanted to. People may be entitled to their ‘opinion’ but this vitriolic diatribe borders on vilification. Do not waste your money. If you want to read crap, read the back of a bag of manure.” – David McMicken
“This book convinced me to terminate my pregnancy on the off chance that I would raise a child that turned out like Cory Bernardi.” – Savvas Dimitriou
“One man’s lonely fight against everything since the Enlightenment.” – Joshua MacLennan
“I suggest the publisher re-issue the book on plastic coated pages that can be wiped down if they come in contact with vomit, like some children’s books have.” – Cam A
“Tough and unforgiving. Held my kitchen table level for hours. 4 stars.” – David Smith
“The author appears to have invented the literary equivalent of a functioning TARDIS; it may measure an unassuming 0.4 x 5.8 x 8.2 inches, but flip open the pages of this tome and you’ll find yourself transported directly to what appears to be the Middle Ages.” – Lioness
“[I]t costs over 15 cents per page (or 30 cents per sheet, in other words). Just for comparison, my local Woolworths has toilet paper on sale for 20 cents per ONE HUNDRED sheets, or less than 1 percent the price per sheet of this book!! So that’s really all there is to it: it’s overpriced and inferior to competing products ...” – Tim Bell
“It made an excellent liner for my bird cage. I love seeing my rainbow parakeets taking a dump on his head.” – ausweazl
“Written entirely from the perspective of a completely sociopathic scared little white man ... This is a tour de force of farce.” – tintinaujapon
“As a young mother, I am always on the lookout for easy, nutritious meals that won’t break the budget. I thought The Conservative Revolution would fit the bill perfectly, offering plenty of good heterosexual meat and potatoes ... Imagine my surprise then, that even after being boiled for more than four hours, this product remained bland, stringy and with a distinct smell of bile ... Even the dogs wouldn’t eat it.” – Paul Kidd
“You probably shouldn’t write a book criticising a woman’s right to an abortion when you yourself are a walking advertisement for it.” – Tom S
“When I first saw this product I assumed it was a book. However, when I tried to read it, I discovered that it only contained indiscernible ranting. So I began to investigate alternative uses. I can confirm that this item is no good as a car, door, blanket, computer, or hat. It seems to be good for nothing.” – C. Magnett
“Bernardi has managed to make abortion, same-sex relations, non-traditional (whatever the hell that means) family structures, promiscuity, drinking, debauchery, atheism, drug-taking and pretty much everything else he condemns even more attractive than it was before. I mean let’s face it: it’s either that or we can be like Cory.” – EU